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Welcome to the Team

In an effort to guide my current employer to better appreciate me, I thought getting another offer would be a good motivator for them. I hopped on LinkedIn and Twitter and tried to make a couple connections. Literally two, actually. One of them went nowhere, as is the norm. The other didn’t have anything, but recommended I contact a mutual friend via an email to both of us. That lead very quickly to a few DMs (private messages on Twitter), then to another email, and eventually to a call. I was less than thrilled with how I did on the call, but it was enough to get an interview.

This Monday (Jan 23), I got a message to contact someone in HR. I was excited to think I got a second interview (as they generally don’t ask you to call back if the answer is (no thanks). It turns out I didn’t get a second interview, though. I got an offer. So that was that.

Of course I was completely in shock. It had been just 12 days since I first contacted anyone, and I already had a significantly attractive offer. It was way better and way sooner than I expected. Of course I accepted.

My last day at my current job is on Friday, February 3. I scheduled it so that I (finally!) get a week off, and I’ll start at the new job on Monday, Feb 13. I had to take a drug test (odd, but easy enough to pass, as my drug of choice is nothing harder than whiskey) and a background check. Apparently, I cleared them both.

This arrived in the mail today. All I can say is: Classy.

Yes, a silver foil card from my new employer.

Posted in Work.


Piracy Is Bad. SOPA Is Worse.

In anticipation of the crazy SOPA/PIPA protest, I made a new avatar.

Posted in Art, Opinion.


Ice Castle

This weekend, we went to the Ice Castle in Silverthorne, CO. Sarah and Richard drove, Susan came along, and our small family of 3 piled into their SUV to brave the warm, sunny drive up into the mountains.

The pictures pretty much speak for themselves, so I’ll shutup right about now.

Icicle Grid

Wall Gaps

Blue Sky Outside

Kia shooting the ceiling

Toddler with Photographer

Jagged Ceiling

Father and Son

Wife with Icicles

Twisted Ice Ribbon

Posted in Family, Photo, Travel.


3 for 2

I’m up later than I had hoped or intended, but it has been an immensely successful evening. We finished Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (book 5). I got quite a bit of cleaning done. And I removed three irksome little forces from my life. That’s especially nice, as I had only been looking to take care of 2.

I didn’t take nearly enough time to write this past weekend, but I have a few posts in mind for the coming days. Perhaps tomorrow, I can tell you about the fantastic things happening at work. Tonight, however, I’ll just revel in my successes at home.

Posted in Home.


The Tooth Brushing Ritual

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The little man is doing so well with the tooth brushing now. Let me tell you what the current ritual is.

  1. After dinner, one of us says “teeth”, giving the ASL sign for brushing teeth
  2. Bodhi lights up, starts repeating “Teeth!” sometimes almost frantically, potentially attempts to LEAP bodily from his high chair, and gives the sign for brushing teeth
  3. Once on the ground, the excited little man makes a beeline for the restroom and raises his hand to where his toothbrush is
  4. I wet the brush and hand it to him, fill his water glass, and crouch next to him, sort of block him in at the sink so he doesn’t run off
  5. A little observation to see that he’s actually doing some brushing, plus a bit of encouragement both go a long way
  6. While brushing, he’ll often pause to say “teeth!” again and regularly spins in circles; it’s a happy time
  7. I ask occasionally if he’s “all done?” or “ready to rinse?”
  8. Once he’s ready, he hands me the toothbrush
  9. If he’s made a good effort on the brushing, I’ll give him a small glass of water to “rinse” thought he has no concept of spitting, so it’s just drinking
  10. Then, with his toothbrush in my hand, I brace him between my legs and say “back”
  11. He leans back over my leg into my arm and opens his mouth, sometimes saying “Ah!”
  12. I brush the top teeth first, because the brush tickles the roof of his mouth madly, and he can’t take much of it in a stretch
  13. After a couple seconds, he’ll push my hand away and stand back up, sort of cough-laughing at the palate-tickle
  14. After about 4 attempts, I’ll finish his upper teeth, then take another four attempts at his lower teeth
  15. The lower teeth don’t tickle so much, but he still prefers frequent interruptions, so it takes about as many attempts, but goes much more quickly
  16. Once the top and bottom teeth are cleaned, I give him another rinse and congratulate him on a job well done or encourage him to be a little more present next time
  17. I then hand him the toothbrush to “Finish it up!”
  18. He’ll kind of brush for a bit and hand the brush back over once he’s finished
  19. Finally, it’s time for the last rinse before I send him on his way

There you have it. That’s an extremely elaborate description of brushing the teeth of our 18 month-old son. The big exception tonight was that I brushed with him for the first round, showing him how I use toothpaste. He was a bit fascinated, but still mostly focused on his own work.

Posted in Fun, Parental, Photo.


The Teenage Trap

You Deserve That Which You Should Have

Around adolescence, people tend to acquire a very strong sense of fairness as it pertains to their needs and wants. If you deny them something they feel they deserve, be it an object, privilege, or even a simple courtesy, it can send them into a fit. It’s just not fair!

Having been a teenager myself, I know that this is the period in human development where everything just clicks. Teens get it. Teens understand what is right and what is wrong. Teens have a fundamental understanding of how the universe* works. (Of course there are things too complex to fully understand in the world, but it’s enough to be able to make the big decisions, like what should be and what should not be.)

The understanding of how things should be leads to an understanding of what is deserved, which in turn leads to an understanding of what is fair. When people get what they deserve, be it a reward or punishment (I deserve an A, but he deserved that F), fairness reigns. It’s a very important construct to understand.

You Are Worthy of That Which You Could Have

Sometimes, in adulthood, an even deeper understanding of the universe is achieved. I suppose some truth comes forward that breaks or amends our previous understanding, leaving us in a place of even deeper confusion. Then dawns the realization that the universe is more complex than any person could ever fully understand (and maybe even infinitely complex).

Either way, the idea that any person has any idea what is “deserved” or what “should” happen is just insanity. Without understanding the epic, nuanced complexity of everything, how can one have any idea what ought to happen? What we may be able to fathom, however, is what is possible.

I believe we can generally come up with at least a few ideas of what could be. I believe we can also generally come up with idea of what our own selves are worthy. It doesn’t mean that the universe needs to bend to our will, however.

Only though a knowledge of what is possible can we set goals.
Only through a sense of self worth can we find the motivation to pursue them.
Only through the abandonment of this idea of what is deserved can we find joy wherever we are.

* If you worship a God or gods who created the universe, than these ideals pertain to that God or gods’ will. If you’re atheist, then this refers to the natural universe, independent of some deistic influence. If you’re agnostic, then it means The Great Turtle. Teenagers understand that. Adults don’t.

Posted in Advice, Opinion.


A much better day

It was a tremendously productive day at work. Despite a barrage of meetings, I got a ton done. Of course, I had to stay til 9pm to do it, but whatever. Great progress.

One of meetings was to chat with someone I really admire a work. I asked for 15 minutes, was given 30, and we ended up talking for 45. I learned a lot and It really gave my motivation a little boost.

After work, we had dinner with a couple of friends who I love very much. And I was at Los Carboncitos. That place is fantastic.

Now I sleep.

Posted in Work.


A bit depressed

I’m feeling a bit down tonight. I’ve been exhausted for the last 5 hours, but when I laid down to bed, my eyes were popped open, staring at the dark ceiling. Lame.

I got up, showered and shaved (thinking that would help, and it certainly did) and typed a whole bunch of stuff out that I don’t need to share. Now I’m feeling much better, and will head to bed in a couple.

As exhausting as it has been, I’m still utterly crushing it at work. Process improvements, quality improvements, everything I touch is better for it. It still feels like bragging, but everything was so bad to begin with that it would be difficult to have a less than positive impact.

That’s all. I’m due for sleep at long last.

Posted in Narcissism, whinge.


Fun at the Children’s Museum

Looking deep within the tree

Today was Target day at the Children’s Museum, hidden well back behind the Denver Aquarium. I’d never been, but my wife has taken our son there before and they both enjoyed it. Target covers admission (presumably) from the hours of 4-8 pm. We got there at 7.

The boy had a blast, upstairs, playing in this interesting foam-molded learning space. What? I have no idea what to call it! It’s a giant mass of roots and trees and dirt. But it’s all plasticky foam. Yep. I bet the first couple months of off-gassing was a nightmare, but it’s really cool now. There are 4 flowers (which you can see in one of the photos. The moment I set him down, he made a beeline for them (pun) and attempted to determine if they spin. They do. Probably 10 minutes of the entire time we were there, he was spinning those flowers. Is that normal? He seemed to be enjoying it, either way.

So there were kids running all over the place and just being kids. Every time one of the kids screamed or yelled in our son’s general vicinity, he would shush them. Finger to his lips and all. It was amazing.

At the top of the rabbit hole

Amazingly curmudgeonly.

After a while, he lightened up a bit and got a little more adventurous. He wouldn’t go through the tunnels at first, in fact, but I managed to lure him in after he watched (with increasing longing in his eyes) as the other children poured into and out of them. Eventually, he just chilled in there for a while.

At one point, he was chilling in a giant bird nest. Another boy who was half a year or so older than him was bringing him stuffed animals and puppets (which were lying around everywhere). This kid honest-to-God brought him about a dozen animals. It was madness.

Posted in Fun, Learning, Parental, Photo.


Staple Gun

I took a nap this evening instead of doing stuff. Clearly, I needed the sleep more badly. After I woke up, however, I got to work. Home Depot was lame, so I went to Lowe’s next door. It’s also lame, but what can you do. Also, why are they next door to one another?

I got a Stanley something staple gun. And I fixed a little thing that has been bothering me for months.

GO ME!

Also, did you know the staple market is priced like the computer printer market? The staple gun was $15. The staples were $20.

Funny.

Posted in Home, Tools.


Every Day

Happy New Year. I just decided to do a post a day. I mean, I have WordPress on every device I own, so even if it’s a photo or 3 sentences typed while on the bus, I can post from wherever.

Today: resolutions.

Let me preface this by pointing out the root word (in my mind) of resolutions. To resolve. When you have resolve, you’re not just thinking you oughtta do something, but you’re making a solid, resolute commitment to yourself that it’s going to happen. So no fluff in here. This is stuff that has either recently come into my mind to do, or stuff I’ve been putting off and need more resolve to kick through.

  1. A post a day. Not counting tech-free days, which I will take from time to time, whenever I see fit, because living is more important than capturing life. :)
  2. Travel. I went to Philly twice this year for work. Both trips were in the last couple months, and only because I had to. That’s not ok.
  3. Tidiness and Organization
  4. The timely execution of administrative tasks

I didn’t elaborate on the last two, did I. Oh well, I must know what I mean by them.

Posted in GTD, Writing.


Toddler Collection

Parenthood is when you lose your wedding ring and find it 2 days later in a laundry basket with a soccer ball, pot lid, baby book, teddy bear, neck tie, and to go cup.

He took it from the night stand.

Posted in Family, LOL, Parental.


Silly Peacock

I’ve been a fan of fashion for a long time, though it hasn’t generally been apparent by a glance at my wardrobe. That’s fine. I haven’t thoroughly understood why, myself, but it’s fine. Lately, though, I’ve been thinking more about the subject, and I think I’ve had a breakthrough.

As a fan of fashion, I’ve occasionally purchased magazines. I subscribed to Esquire for a while, but canceled that. It just doesn’t do it for me. I much prefer Vogue and would occasionally buy an issue from the newsstand. This year, I just gave up and got a subscription. So far, it has been a good choice.

As I’ve been reading more about fashion and eagerly anticipating the opening of the first H&M in Denver, I thought it would be fun to start a fashion blog. I put an initial placeholder photo up, but I haven’t posted any actual content. The intent was to indulge a bit in the beauty of appearance, but to do it with a healthy dose of silliness, so as not to give the misrepresentation that it should be taken too seriously.

I enjoyed the film September Issue. Similarly, though in a different way, I enjoyed the movie The Devil Wears Prada. Both were terrific, but only one starred Anne Hathaway. At one point, her character is given a lesson in the value and seriousness of fashion, but it’s delivered in tandem and as an elaboration of an insult to the sweater she’s wearing in that scene. Fashion has great value. I absolutely believe that’s true. But to take it too seriously is the purest form of narcissism. Let’s try to steer clear of that.

In researching content for my own fashion blog, I found myself alternately bored and irritated. I just haven’t been able to create any content for it. After a couple weeks without any possible answer, I think I’ve finally found it. At the same time, I’ve found my fashion philosophy.

Fashion should be approached like dance. The best metaphor I’ve ever heard is that the woman is a beautiful flower, and it is the man’s responsibility to present that flower in the best possible way. Show everyone in the room what an amazingly beautiful flower you are holding so that they might feel honored to be in its presence. Women’s fashion, like women themselves, is intoxicating in its variety and beauty. Present, accent, and support that flower like a vase. The worst thing a vase can do is steal attention from the flower that it holds.

(Note that this metaphor only works, as most metaphors do, in a fairly narrow focus. No disrespect to couples of other gender mixes / roles.)

So the fact is that I’m interested in men’s fashion as well as women’s, but that women’s fashion is infinitely more intersting in and of itself. Perhaps there’s more to it than that, but I’m willing to settle with this explanation for now.

I’m sure I’ll have another breakthrough in a few more months. Or maybe November 10, when H&M opens. ;)

Posted in Fashion.


My B-Squares Arrived

And I’m a little disappointed with the build quality.

I haven’t had the chance to play with them yet, so I’ll just post some unboxing pictures for now.

Label

Bubble Wrap

Boxes in Box

Unboxed Boxes

5 Solar Squares
4 Proto Squares
2 LED Squares
2 Arduino Squares
2 Battery Squares
1 Dock Square

Dock Square Box

The box is crushed and messed up, but the square itself was fine.

Battery Square

The battery contacts are bent out so that the battery won’t be snugly contained. I’ll have to bend these back myself.

Solar Square

There are two very visible blemishes on this photovoltaic. What the heck.

ARDUINO SQUARE

The arduino board is in no way secured to the frame. It just flops around. If you were to stack another board (shield) on top of it, you’d have to hold down the bottom board at the same time to avoid stressing the power connection.

Posted in Arduino, Technology.


Steve Jobs Biography

Walter Isaacson was given a great access to Steve Jobs in his last couple years on this world. The biography he has written is potentially the most fascinating book I’ve ever read, partially because I’m a nerd who dwells at the intersection of technology and humanity. Don’t let me draw too many parallels between myself and that brilliantly ambitious man, however.

While providing fascinating insight to Jobs personality and the factors that may have contributed to it, Isaacson isn’t ignoring or oversimplifying the other characters who intersected with and influenced Jobs. Steve Wozniak is my favorite by far. His gentle, innocent nature makes him such an interesting person to me. Their history together, through the blue box, and now (in chapter 5) into the creation of the Apple I, is so deeply engaging. I can hardly wait to get back to the book.

I love reading about the history of Silicon Valley, personal computing, and of technology itself. Heathkits, pre-packaged kits where one could solder and build projects both simple and terribly complex, are clearly the original version of the Arduino kits we’re seeing today. The current resurgence, powered by O’Reilly Publishing’s Make Magazine, the Arduino movement, B-Squares, Fritzing, SparkFun, and all the other companies is what will nurture the spirit of exploration, curiosity, and creativity in the current generation of young minds.

I learned to solder in the last year. It was the second of first classes I’ve attended at SparkFun headquarters. I understand, at least on a small scale, how rewarding it is to take various components, combine them into a circuit, and program them to do something interesting.

The primary factor I’m finding in this book is access. The guy also had an irrepressible drive, which would likely have taken him somewhere in life. But without the direct access to the founders of HP, exposure to the clubs and things that sprang up in the area, work at ATARI, and other things that would’ve been impossible anywhere else, Steve Jobs could have been an awesome poet, lead salesman, or layabout.

Years ago, it would have been easy to read something like this and lament the opportunity, access, and educational assets that I lacked. I was a kid, and kids are selfish. Today, there are no feelings to confront. There is awe at what he was able to accomplish. There is also drive to do what I can with the life I have. There is also motivation to ensure my son has every opportunity, himself.

Where I need to be especially careful, then, is giving him every opportunity without expectation. There are too many stories about fathers disappointed that sons didn’t fallow the dreams that the father laid out for their offspring. There is no particular vocation that I want my son to pursue. There are only a handful of traits that I insist he have, and a few career paths I’d prefer he avoid.

There’s still lots more reading ahead. I think I’ll go through a few more pages before bed.

Posted in Apple, Arduino, Parental, Technology.


Philly for Rilly

Back Story
The company for which I work has a client in the Philadelphia, PA area. A few meetings of some significance were scheduled, and it was decided that a data person would be valuable. And so I was released from the nerd cellar and allowed to fly out to attend three of those meetings. This is not the first time I’ve ever traveled for work, but it’s one of only 2 or 3 times. It’s also not the first time I’ve done client-facing work. It is, however, the first time I’ve traveled for a client meeting. It’s been a productive couple days.

Work
Everyone that came to Philly for these meetings is extremely capable. It all went very well. The client is happy with our involvement and our commitment to the project has been affirmed. We also worked out a lot of details in getting through the difficulties that the project has been facing. It really was terrifically productive. Best of all, I feel valuable and valued.

Fun
While the productive stuff is extremely satisfying, I really lucked out on this trip in terms of how much time we had in town and how much of that time was free. I got to see the Liberty Bell in person. We had cheesesteak at Carmen’s. I got to have a fantastic chat with one of my coworkers last night over beers at The Dandelion. We got to stay at the Westin downtown, and while that place loves to nickel ($5) and dime ($10) their guests to DEATH, it was really comfortable and enjoyable. Oh, we had the surprise pleasure of getting to see the largest operating pipe organ in the world. It’s in Macy’s. Can you believe that? And we were even fortunate enough to hear it played. It was fantastic.

Philly Itself
What an epically amazing city. People have been superbly warm and kind to us on our stay, and the atmosphere everywhere is friendly and just awesome. It’s the hustle and bustle of New York City, but with a midwest smile. I love this city. Traffic was a blast (we were in cabs the whole time), and the dynamic on the road was politely in a hurry. Put another way, a car will cut you off if they need to get over, but they’ll just as quickly make room for you to merge if your turn signal was on. I love it.

That said, I know how brutal the weather can be in this part of the world, so Denver still holds the keys to my heart. :)

Here are some photos.

Posted in Photo, Travel, Work.


Rejecting, Connecting, Projecting

iPad icons over Steve Jobs' faceI don’t even know what to make of the last week. Work has been mentally exhausting, as I work to navigate the tectonic shifts we’re undergoing. My attempts at tactful grace have been in vain, and I’m finding myself coming up short in a few areas, even though I’m working my face off and making monumental improvements to our system and processes. The reward is not instant. I know that. But the obstacles are really catching me off guard. I leap over a crevasse only to find a sharp, low ceiling splitting my head. What is this trickery?

My map is still trusty. Not because I found a good one, and not because I’m trusting the details, but because my direction is true. Despite the current terrain, I will reach a lush meadow sooner or later. What name does the meadow have? I can’t know that yet. Perhaps I’ll have to name it myself when I arrive. Perhaps it doesn’t need a name.

One thing I can clearly see on this map is that my brain is hungrier for knowledge. I should make time to pick up a new skill or hone an existing one. That’s worthy of some focus.

Don’t take my prosaic drama too seriously. Overall life is good, and I am thrilled for the recent successes of some friends. Being able to celebrate the success of others is rich reward.

Posted in Drama.


Steve Jobs Brought Us the Future

Lots of people have said lots of things about the legendary Steve Jobs, both prior to and since his early passing. I’ll try to avoid repeating most of what I’ve read in the hopes that you’ll take away something interesting.

People joke that this can’t be the future, because “Where is my jet pack?” I love that joke, but in all truth, we know the future of the days of yore is upon us and that more future will be upon us in no time. The thing is that there were always myriad futures.

The Myriad Futures

Pick a predictor, a clairvoyant, or a science fiction author. They all had a future for us. George Orwell’s has already come partially true. We have even seen a bit of Aldous Huxley’s dystopian predictions brought to our doors. While gamma-irradiated superheroes don’t yet appear to exist, we even have a little bit of the future from various comic books.

My favorite future has always been that of Gene Roddenberry. He pictured an altruistic society of humans, reborn from their violent past, as explorers and goodwill ambassadors throughout the galaxy. Humans in that future became acquainted with other species of sentient beings (you can call them aliens if you want, but doesn’t that sound derogatory now that you’ve thought it?) Star Trek was always the best future, especially with Picard at the helm.

Steve Jobs wasn’t able to give us warp drive or transporters (though I imagine he may have funded the companies that would, had he been given more time), but he did provide us with a great deal of the technology that I grew up envying.

Clean Future

Roddenberry required clean interfaces, clear purpose, and visual activity in his displays. While the show’s designers delivered beautiful mock-ups thereof, Steve Jobs delivered working models of the same things.

I won’t get too lost in the details, and I certainly don’t want to address the moneyless future in contrast with the average cost of Apple products. It’s a muddy road, and we’re wearing our good shoes today. So if we suspend disbelief and allow me my cheerfully shallow analysis, we can move on to the next interesting blog with a smile on our faces.

Gene Roddenberry created beautifully idealized technology and Steve Jobs drove a company to create the things I didn’t think would be possible for another decade or two. I love my PADD.

Posted in Apple, Art, Business, iPad, iPhone, Opinion, Philosophy, Technology.


The Duke and Duchess of Dirtbag

Today was the wedding of our niece Kia to her now-husband Nathan. They were married in one of the towns south of SLC, Utah, and we were there to celebrate their loving union. The ceremony was extremely brief, with a reading from one of Nathan’s relatives followed by a poem reading by Niece Kia’s grandfather (my father-in-law). Next there was a cello solo, then the exchanging of vows and rings, and finally an announcement of the new couple and an invitation to dine with them.

Before helping to shuttle chairs from the ceremony to the reception (in a nearby, slightly elevated section of the park in which everything took place), I stood in line to greet the bride and groom. It was difficult to hold myself together, honestly. My voice cracked a couple times in the delivery.

The reception was a catered pizza dinner. There was a brick oven on site, and the dinner was fantastic. It was a dry reception, but they had copious quantities of Reed’s Extra Ginger Beer. Phenomenal. Between dinner and cake, the best man gave a toast followed by a couple songs (Cello, upright bass, accordion, guitar, and banjo OMG) and another toast by the Matron of Honor (my wife).

The highlight of the day was being able to see a young couple form such a strong union of love. Love is just the greatest thing in the universe. Second to that was seeing our other nieces that we haven’t seen in years and rarely get to talk to. Meeting our new extended family was also awesome. Nathan comes from exceedingly wonderful people.

Several hours later, I’m still completely sober and absolutely buzzing from the day. I wasn’t able to fall asleep when everyone else did about an hour and a half ago, so I’m sitting in the hotel lobby watching music videos and typing this.

Life is awesome. Love is awesome.

Posted in Family, Love.


The Alpine Slide

There is an alpine slide not too far from where I used to work in Golden. The team had talked about going there for a group event, but we never got around to it. Maybe not enough people were interested. Maybe not enough people knew how fun they can be. I never fully understood what they were. I just got that they went on a hill and you slid down them somehow, but it’s not a water slide (which bummed me out, honestly.)

Minigolf score card
A week ago, we were at Breckenridge, hanging out at the Fun Park on Peak 8 (behind One Ski Hill Place). A wonderful friend helped us get a great deal on a couple day passes. Even though we were only there for a couple hours and had the baby with us, we decided to make the most of it. We started with a round of mini golf, because we had never played that together. My wife, who has only ever played maybe a couple times, trounced me 54 to 66. It was a par 44 course. Anyway, I had the highest score. (Winner.)

After that, Kia kept the boy while I took a ski lift up to ride the alpine slide. It was my first time ever on a ski lift. I didn’t mention that until after the ride. Fortunately, I’ve overcome most of my fear of heights, or I would have been utterly terrified. The slide itself was interesting. It was constructed like a water slide, only embedded in the earth (instead of raised up on a structure), and there was no water. That and the fact that it’s white were really the only discernible differences. Oh, and since the alpine slide isn’t lubricated by water, it understandably has a much rougher texture to it.

Breckenridge Alpine Slide lift
At the top, they point you to the sleds and ask if it’s your first time riding. If it isn’t, they tell you to have fun. If it is, they give you a few minimal pointers. Basically:

  1. Push the lever forward to go faster
  2. Pull the lever back to slow down
  3. Don’t follow anyone closer than 25 ft
  4. Have fun

Now I’m here to tell you that’s not NEARLY enough advice. But with my apprehensive caution clutched tightly, I hopped on and took off. When you push the lever forward, you’re essentially forcing wheels down beneath you, so you roll and accelerate fairly rapidly. Letting go, the wheels ascend and you mostly slide. Pulling back, you force something down with a slightly higher coefficient of friction and slow down a bit more rapidly. That’s it.

I asked if I should lean in to the turns. The guy quickly and resolutely said “No.” I wondered why they hadn’t volunteered that advice without me asking. It sounded important. So I stayed mostly upright, held on, and had an absolute blast. Keeping cars in mind, I went faster when the track was straight and slower to turn. Keeping the Olympic luge in mind, I slowed down PLENTY for the turns. I did not want to go flying off the track. Around half way down, a girl was off the side of the track with her father and brother. Her father appeared to be attending to her wounds, though I couldn’t be entirely sure, as I went by VERY quickly. Foreshadowing? Naah!

I slowed to a stop when I reached the bottom, handed off the sled, and rejoined my family to tell them how thrillingly awesome it was. I implored my wife to try it. She politely refused and urged me toward the trampoline. They had one of those big bungee/trampoline contraptions where you can jump super high, attached to cables to keep you safe. AWESOME. We have seem them at various festivals, but they’re always pretty pricey. With the day pass, though, it didn’t cost any extra. She had a BLAST on it. I took a ton of pictures with her awesome camera.

Having had pretty much enough adventure, and with a strong desire to see the beautiful nature up there, we took another lift up higher than the alpine slide lift went and hiked back down. Again with the barrage of pictures, and there are even several videos. We had a lovely, scenic time winding down switchbacks that crossed a lovely stream and ran through gobs of wild flowers.

Most of the way down, we encountered the alpine slide, so I split off for one last run before the park closed down. Since it was the end of the day, the guys let me go. Yay! Again I asked for any particular advice on making the most of it and not wiping out. The only advice I was given was “Try and catch some air.” Apparently, the track I had chosen had a fun drop on it.

Bandaged and smiling
It would’ve been boring to go the same speed as my first run, so I upped the ante a bit and had a real blast with it, tearing through corners and launching down the straights. When I saw the drop coming, more than half way down the track, I mashed the wheels down and leaned forward to balance myself on them for maximum speed. I caught brilliant air, but didn’t let it go to my head. The next curve was coming up quick, so after the two drops, I slowed down.

Of course I got through the curve safely. I hadn’t even had a close call of any sort. The track was open&em;no one else was on it, so I was wheels down into the next curve. The sled launched up the side wall of the curve, fighting its momentum. The strong walls converted that momentum into some brilliant g-forces. The exhilaration of it all had my adrenaline flowing freely.

That was fortunate. The adrenaline and endorphins made the next moment a blur. I’m sure the sled came out from under me, because I remember sliding across fiberglass after that moment had passed. My raw, bleeding hands and elbows bore testament to the fact that something had definitely gone wrong. And I don’t think it was a close call. It went a bit beyond that. The worst part was probably being snapped back to reality before I had come to a complete halt and thinking “BLOODY HELL, WILL YOU STOP SLIDING ALREADY?!?”

It felt like a very long time later, I eventually did come to a full stop. No point lingering on the track. I pushed the sled off me and hooked a heel on it to keep it from escaping. Once I had climbed on, I put a hand on the lever to get moving again. That hurt a lot, so I tried the other hand.

As I slowly made my way to the base of the slide, I had time to do a quick inventory. My glasses were still on and intact. I didn’t think I’d hit my head (but have been in shock enough times to not trust such assessments). I was definitely bleeding from both hands, wrists, and elbows. My jeans had a hole in the side of the left knee, so I was probably bleeding there, too. My shoes (beloved Puma Drift Cats in java brown) showed some wear but were not really damaged, thank goodness. The tee I was wearing was the one I was married in (with a jacket over it! I’m not a barbarian!), and I was very concerned about the shoulder. I couldn’t really assess what was going on with that, but it turned out to be mostly ok. I STILL haven’t done a thorough check. I think I’m afraid to.

At the bottom, no one was really waiting, so I walked my sled over to where a couple others were and stood it up there. Someone saw me do that and shouted thanks, but made no mention of my damaged state. No one at all said anything, actually. I looked around for my family but didn’t find them. I figured it would’ve taken them much longer to get down, so I had time to go wash up in the bathroom. That was painful and mostly ineffective, as I was still bleeding pretty well. After several minutes of fairly listless wandering (seriously – that’s what really convinced me I was in shock), I opted for the first aid area. I had seen the sign, coincidentally, earlier in the day.

The lady working first aid was super nice, and really tolerant of my vapid clumsiness. That same vapid clumsiness would linger for a couple days after the slide, and I’m still not sure what was going on with my brain. I was running into things, knocking stuff over, and just a general mess. She was helping me get cleaned up when my phone rang. Kia had reached the bottom and was ready to get to the gondola before it closed for the day. (You see, the park closed at 6, roughly when I caught the alpine slide down, and the gondola stopped at 6:30.) As tactfully and reassuringly as I could, I let her know where I was and how to find me.

She showed up a minute later, holding our son and grinning. Well, she wasn’t immediately grinning, but it broke out once she realized just what state I was in. I was definitely a mess, and quite certainly in pain, but I wasn’t really hurt. No broken bones, no profuse bleeding, no damaged organs (not counting my skin). I was fine. Consider also that she’s seriously used to me getting banged up by now.

Once I was bandaged, gauzed, and signed out, we caught the gondola down. She graciously volunteered to hold the boy the whole way. We talked of my adventure. She shook her head a few times. We both enjoyed the evening scenery.

At the base, we had to walk back to our condo. It was several blocks, and I found that less enjoyable than the gondola ride. Once I was sitting miserably on the sofa in the condo, she took our son and ran out for supplies. She returned a short while later with a whole pile of bandages, pads, and gauze. Also, she had a fifth of Bulleitt Bourbon. My friends, that’s the kind of woman I married. May you all do as well for yourselves.

Things to help me heal
It was a week ago today that happened. A couple of the wounds are nearly healed, but others are still quite large. If I leave my right hand at my side, too much lower than my heart, the blood pressure makes me feel like my hand is going to pop (even though it looks fine), and it throbs with pain. At any level below my heart, it’s painful, but the throbbing is tolerable at lap level, so I can at least type this excessively long post.

The worst part is the fact that I’m limited in how much I can help with our son. For fear of infection, I didn’t change him for the first couple days. Even now, I can’t hold him for too long. He loves hitting and grabbing at the bandages. I’m not sure if it’s intentional or not, but I know that it’s far less enjoyable for me than for him. The other massive bummer of this is that I can’t really go swimming. It would be thoroughly disgusting for me to take my open wounds into that shared water. I’m going to have to wait until I’m almost completely healed before I can get back to swimming.

There are many lessons I’d like for you to take away from this. I’ll leave you a handy bulleit list to make it easy to read:

  • Alpine slides are ridiculously fun
  • You should ride an alpine slide at some point
  • When you do, I recommend only going as fast as you need to so that you can enjoy it
  • Whatever you do, use the sled the entire way from top to bottom
  • For the love of your skin, stay on the damned sled
  • Wounds heal faster when they’re covered; WAY faster
  • Scrubbing out wounds feels horrible, but not as horrible as getting an infection
  • Accept the help of others
  • Accept whiskey
  • Skip the ibuprofen and make another cocktail
  • Get ready to tell your story again and again – 30% of everyone who sees your bandages will ask
  • If you can SEE the person ahead of you on the slide, you’re following WAY TOO CLOSELY
  • Thank goodness no one ran into me while I was laying there

One final note I want to make on bandages. Two actually.

Knuckle bandages are completely ridiculous. In fact, pretty much all bandages are completely ridiculous. I mean the things that we commonly refer to as Band-Aids (kind of like how all facial tissues are called Kleenex, even if they’re Puffs) are crap. They fall off, they don’t help much, and they slide around. In a nutshell, they’re ineffective. Many of them are also imported from China. That just seems weird to me.

If you want to cover a wound, you honestly have three options. Only three. Actually, two, but one of those has a sub-option, so let’s call it three.

  1. For large wounds, cover them with an anti-stick pad (because your scab CAN form around gauze, binding it to your wound in a way that WILL be painful to remove), tape the pads down so they don’t slide around (only use that neat first aid tape, too), and then wrap the whole thing in gauze. Why is gauze needed over the tape? Because the tape will peel back otherwise. Tape AND gauze are awesome. Tape OR gauze are ineffective
  2. For giant wounds, put one of those big surgical pads over it and tape it the hell down. Gauze around your entire torso might be less practical, and you’re not really going anywhere anyway, after that surgery
  3. For everything smaller than 2 x 4 inches, get 3M Nexcare bandages. Not only are they made in the US, but there is a variety for pretty much every scenario (some that can even survive hand washing WHILE COVERING A KNUCKLE). These are the only thing I’ve been using and they’re absolutely amazing. Every other bandage is worthless in comparison. Call me an evangelist – they’re a miracle. And I’m currently wearing FIFTEEN of them at a time to cover all my wounds. Seriously

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